i let a strange man sit in my lap for two hours: thoughts on various topics

being home for the past day has been great!...getting home was an entirely different matter.

after a thursday night/friday early morning of fun fun fun (saga, bowling, gene kelley, nailpolish, matrix, packing), i took my suitcase down to the security area. I got to the airport around 10:30am. 14 hours later, i arrived in the Norfolk airport. yay for flight delays, gate changes, and flight changes.

in transit:
friday 10:30am (central) - saturday 1:30am (eastern)

some thoughts during that time:

overhead compartments
the overhead storage compartment of planes are designed to be slightly smaller than the actual size limit for carry-on bags. the engineers do this for their own flying pleasure. engineers being clued in to the fact that they shouldn't stretch the size limit, pack compact carry-ons, whereas the average person packs unwieldy, odd-shaped bags. when everyone boards, the engineer (after smoothly popping his bag in a compartment or under the seat) sits back in amusement and watches the fun. people wander up and down the aisles searching for a place for their bags, upon finding a space, they timidly attempt to place their bags in the overhead compartment. because the empty space they've found is usually not over their own seat, they are caught in the uncomfortable position of their arms up, armpits hovering over a stranger below. as the attempt to place the bag neatly is never successful, the person begins to nervously cram the too-large bag in the too-small space. over the staticky intercom, a flight attendant repeatedly announces that large carry-ons can be placed under the plane. by this time, sweat is glistening on the crammer's (usually a middle-aged balding man) brow. as the amount of people cramming their luggage dwindles, the embarassed crammer's movements become more frantic. if you're lucky, the crammer's breathing becomes labored, and he begins to mutter... and the engineer is amused. and i am amused.

airport chairs
airports put bars between the chairs so you cant stretch out and sleep. the chairs face each other so people can watch you fall asleep while sitting, and laugh when your mouth falls open.

what i packed in my carry-on:
4 movies: all three indiana jones and the rundown
1 bottle of water
2 books: my bible and David Copperfield
phone and charger
laptop
dark chocolate
gross yogurt bars

long layovers
i dont mind layovers. i dont mind long flights. i dont mind long trips...when they are to a distant land. 14 hours in airports and planes, from Oklahoma to Virgina is just ridiculous.

seating arrangements
i've wondered whether seating arrangement computer programs take into account the sex, age, height, and weight of individuals when assigning seats. probably not. which is probably a good thing for me (apparently short indian girl + portly person who takes up 1.5 seats= two seats)
few things are more uncomfortable to witness than two big people crammed into two small airplane seats (pro smart-seating). however. few things are more uncomfortable than being seated/engulfed by a large man who is supposed to be sitting next to you, but in actuality is sitting half in your lap.

the story: it was a small plane. two seats to each side. upon boarding (finally), i plunked down in my convenient aisle seat. as more and more people boarded and bypassed my row, i began to gleefully plan out how i was going to utilize my spacious two seats. i know better than to do this. it's always the last passenger to board, who is heaving and sweaty from running to the gate, that ends up sitting next to you. however, plan i did. until being distracted by the cramming attempts of the stylin' corn-rowed young man a row down. he had a large stereo, the kind that merits the title "boombox". and he was attempting to STUFF his hard, unsquishable stereo, shoulder strap and all, into the overhead compartment. since he was such a cool guy, he felt extra uncomfortable being caught in such an uncool situation. i know this because his breathing was a little labored. probably didn't help that his pants kept threatening to pool around his ankles, and his bling bling kept swinging and almost-smacking the hapless passenger below. anyway, i was engrossed, and didn't notice his compadre. i was very engrossed.
his compadre was sweating. his compadre was heaving. and he was abundant.
and the seat next to me was still empty.
for some reason, i got up and made him sit by the window. i think it was self-preservation on my part (indian dies slow death by suffocation against side of plane), but i didn't think about the fact that he might be more comfortable in the aisle seat. anyway. there he sat. prim, if you can believe it. large round knees distorting the seat before him, shoulders hunched in an attempt to take up as little space as possible, meaty hands neatly placed in his lap. and his left half escaping triumphantly into my seat. my right side was rendered useless as a result of being sat on (not exaggerating!). as i did not want to call attention to his unfortunate-for-plane-travel condition, i sat immobile. for two hours. at one point before take-off, i offered to switch seats if he "didn't have enough leg room". he declined. the rest of a flight was a fight against falling into the aisle and obstructing the important passage of the flight attendents. when crackers were passed out, i had to open the bag with one hand. i had to prop my book up in order to turn the pages with my breathing arm. there was an incident in the beginning where he sat on my seatbelt. altogether, it was the most uncomfortable flight i've ever been on. in addition to the right side of my body going numb, i just felt so bad for him the entire time. my body still hurts.


flight delays
just tell me that it's going to be delayed 10 hours then make me happy when it's only 8 hours. dont tell me every 45 minutes that it actually will not be leaving now...but in another 45 minutes. that just breaks my heart every time.


airport friends
after multiple delays and gate changes, you begin to develop an affinity with your fellow fliers. you begin to notice who has been accompanying you in your trudging to and fro. (because after the 3rd gate change and 4th delay, you dont walk, you trudge). there were three of us who began talking. she was getting married at the end of the month. he was in the navy. and me. first it was just her and me. we talked about our beliefs on marriage and love, how they met, school, and then ate fries together. he started talking to us during the 3rd gate change trek (there was more than 3 gate changes). we cracked jokes. i said ridiculous things. they attributed it to 10 hours (at that point) in the airport. we were great friends. we shared memories (remember the first gate change when...), shared experiences (i sat next to...) and just commiserated with each other. they were both really nice. unfortunately he ended up trying to get my number. awkward.


what i scavenged/ate on friday
1 wierd health bar thingy
1 warm bottled frappuccino
0.45 gross squished yogurt bar
2 bags of airplane crackers
1 large serving McDonalds fries
some dark chocolate
1 candy cane

i almost wished for saga.

electrical outlets
in international airports there are usually electrical sockets/outlets placed conveniently throughout the airport. in most american airports, the only outlet available is under the public phone in the main hallway. so if you want to plug in your laptop or phone, you have to sit in everyone's way.

gene kelley
i dream of gene